The I'm done moment

48 sounds that make you feel good about life

My first word was the fridge, I remember it as the one that abstractly became a representation of the real object and all that it represented. But now I can't recall the need of not being independent, but then being a human is mandatory, a useful part and tool and wheel that makes the world move and at the same time lets you live your life, more about this later, so I have a  problem becoming trapped in my own bad choices, a tyrant of my own world not being able to fit in it and then being bullied into a corner that I can't escape without being cruel to my own beliefs, but doing this I recall those important choices of my life happened with a good intention but with a bad plan that integrated my dishonest intentions; but when good circumstances push you into a good place and the past that pushed you into those circumstances call you back and invade your peace asking for revenge requesting your serenity and pouring uncertainty in its place. what am I to do when nothing starts as a certain past and all that I need to do is build a new path, a free one, one that hasn't been walked on but mirrors some sparks of the path that should have been, the one that should have been a step forward before jumping ahead of my plan straight to the result. without jumping ahead to conclusions I am doing a bendy job at being responsible for my steps into eternity pushing them into quick sandy pits, planning ahead was not a good plan but planning backward so the past pushes the future against its will as a free choice became a willing to do fact but then time doesn't pass pushed with its back pushed against the wall, but then what is the right path ask for permission in a non-permissive world or am I just knocking at the wrong dor caring its weight on my past changing my path for a better one to fit it to weight that I am caring

p s I forgot to tell you about the resemblances of my past and how I found a way to correct it but instead of correcting it I am fucking it up really bad.

ps ps losing slowly my interest in higher than live objectives or better yet releasing myself from its bounds but was it so bad, the abyssal metaphysical part exchanged for the and real-life part.

Shortcutted feelings

48 times wanting everything for a short period of time.

loosing my own style for a different more approachable way of showing what I am thinking so here it is 

. for another time, this shoes you that nothing lasts forever but everything can be lost in a glimpse of time.

most of the times I was writing for the fun of it to find unknown meanings of words and to discover more than I meant to say and then the past travels back into the future to tell me that everything is going to be ok. in my solitude I wondered what I had to do to get out of this state of mind without the usual dose of timeless joy that kicks the joy of life out of my brain as fast as it reached the climax but when all the things seemed to be aligned for the next event it all comes to a sudden crush against forward-moving gravity and puts you into a sudden stop to show you that everything isn't meaningless when the brain urges for the acceptable images that are requested like a stop to a gas station when in fact the only joy you get is the bitter taste of the money spent on the expensive gas and the head pains that the long ride of redemption gives you. but then for the joy of being alone, you don't get an așternatife like ham and avocado with caramelized onion but you always can go back to old friendships and all you're mistakes in sted of handpicked corrections you get autocorrected words that fill your nonsense with vivid smartness and you're solitude gets filled with grammar useless comas that shortcuts and rewires your brain into the bad person that you successful hid for all this time

ps. always be ahead of your own time and don't let bad feelings conquer you